disappointment town too small to be a city

The hopes were big.. The disappointment was tangible but not unforgivable.   Kettle chips latest and greatest is a flavor very close to my heart.  Memories of pancakes doused generously in syrup and a side of cured piggy meat to casually dip into the excess run off.  Yes oh yes salty and sweet a favorite combination.  Sadly the chips do not deliver that salty bacon and maple tongue dancing combo. 

In a jar, at a bar, near or far

Salsa at the store is tricky.. it rarely is as good as can be made at home and it most definitely is not as good as a quality salsa bar in a good Mexican restaurant.  When I have time I prefer to chop up some onion, tomato, cilantro with a squeeze of lime and few pinches of salt.  Most days I don't have much time and on those days I like to have a ready made jar for all my salty chip and dip snack times. 

False like those eyelashes

I got suckered into believing the delicious looking picture on the package would be waiting for me on the inside.. it was lies.. tragic, tragic lies.  unfortunately the center did not contain peanut butter like the picture promised, it instead contained some dry brick that may have been derived long ago from peanut butter.. Justin's I'm disappointed in you.

 

welcome to disappointment city

pesto~ish (aka the ish post)

Life is sometimes too busy to cook let alone to post about food on a blog that I never plan on making a living with.  Between working weekends and sleep writing has been far from my list of important things to take care of.. sadly it has taken its place long after do laundry and organize shoes.  Luckily I do still find the time to eat and occasionally make something from scratch.  This week I was gifted green tomatoes from someones garden.  I am not talented at frying things; so fried green tomatoes was out.  For those that have not had green tomatoes before they are tart and very hard when not cooked and I was not sure I felt adventurous enough to make some type of fresh salad that could potentially be too crunchy to eat.  After debating on what to do with these pretty green things I decided that roasting them and making some sort of sauce sounded like the way to go.  Thus began the story of the birth of Green Tomato Pesto Spread...

I'm a bakey baker

I would never dream to claim to have much of anything in the realm of baking skills. I am not a fan of measuring if you haven't noticed from my haphazard quantity descriptions. I'm a big fan of pretty close and within reason. That being said I've never been one to dabble into the art of breads and I will probably never touch pastries outside of buying them at shops that have pretty tarts and fancy cakes that they delicately place into boxes that are deftly tied up in string. I admit that I make cookies and occasionally I dabble in the cake world but the results are always deliciously unpredictable. Sometimes my cake weighs as much small dog and sometimes my cookies have a texture closer to cake.

Life is hard stay soft

Whether eggs are good for you or bad for you seems to always be up for debate in the food guide circles.  The only thing I care about with eggs is that they taste freaking amazing for breakfast, lunch, dinner or even dessert.  They go in a billion different recipes but they can stand beautifully on their own.  One of my favorite ways to fix them as a centerpiece in their own right is soft boiled with a side of crusty toast.  Mmmm soft and creamy middle, a white that is slightly less rubbery than hard boiled, topped on a bite of crunchy toast. Texture paradise, tastebuds happy dance. 

missionary work

When I discover someone I know is a picky eater or has an aversion to a certain type of food I take it upon myself to cure them of this unfortunate affliction.  I sometimes imagine it as my divine calling in life to prove that most things have the potential to be delicious when done right or maybe I'm just neurotic. Either way it gives me an excuse to tinker in the kitchen.

Unfortunately almost everyone has at least one food item that has gotten on their no eat list, even me (green bell peppers and black olives unless they exist on a supreme pizza or I'm being polite). Often the offending food is a vegetable, the most common vegetable on S^&$ list happens to be brussel sprouts.  Poor brussel sprouts haven't earned the bad rap on their own they've had the help of many cooks who were probably good cooks but they didn't have the Internet or the variety available to the modern kitchen and maybe, just maybe they believed in the idea that if it tastes bad it's probably good for you...  Anyway.. This post is being written for all the naysayers in particular one naysayer friend who didn't believe me when I said even the brussel sprout can be delicious.

Not so pho tastic

I love pho.. it is so simple yet so satisfying. The broth like any good broth with developed flavor  takes hours to cook. The micromanaging style of the Asheville government has decreed that in downtown there shall be a cute little parking area designated for food trucks so you don't have to go hunting on the hills to find your food truck fix.  While I usually am a huge fan of anything off a food truck and Pho is one of my favorite foods.  I can't say much good about this one.  The broth was flavored wrong, the service was nice.. But broth was just bad, the meatballs were terrible, the meat wasn't sliced nicely... Just all around disappointing.  I only tried the one dish so maybe all is not lost. But if the namesake isn't tasty I don't have much hope. 

No thanks. Not pho me.

fishes and wishes

Smoked salmon is a staple for fish eating Alaskans.  If you smoke your own, finding the right recipe is like finding a gold nugget of deliciousness and putting it in your pantry.  Having a friend who has a great recipe and shares their salmon is like winning the lottery.  While I do make a mean smoked salmon I would say that my recipe is second to one of my favorite person's dad's recipe.. Colin.  His dad, and of course him as well, make the best smoked salmon I have ever eaten.  Tragically I no longer call Alaska home so my supply of salmon only shrinks and doesn't really grow.  So opening a jar of salmon gold when you don't have a big stash of it anymore is a truly special event.  

Special event that inspired this post was a smoked salmon craving that could not be quieted.  The shiny jar of fish was calling to me, beckoning to be popped opened and consumed, I resisted for a moment then caved when I realized I was out of most other consumable protiens.  I used half the jar to mix with veggies and pasta for my dinner and the rest I made into a dip to stretch it's consumable life.

F'ugly duckling

F'ugly duckling

In real life we can't all be winners. Some dishes are destined to be tried and never repeated but like they say about love at least it was tried. So begins the story of the f'ugly Mac and cheese.

Once upon a time there was a lactose intolerant girl who due to her impulse shopping habits had a refrigerator full of mix and match cheeses. She decided it was time for them along with all the other random bits of food in her refrigerator to join together in what was to be called the refrigerator Mac and cheese adventure.

For every adventure there is a misadventure.. that is to say a moment of bad luck which in this story came from not planning and a little bit of carelessness. The first misstep was the very first tester bite, which happened to be a bite of a freshly cooked noodle to test for tenderness.  Within seconds deliciousness turns into tragedy as it was quickly discovered that the pretty curled noodle contained a pocket of hot water that scalded the tongue leaving it useless.

d is for

Dry like the freaking desert, don't as in warning against or dehydration which you'll surely get.

In this globalized economy that seems centered around Ayn Rand's self absorbed philosophies and a obsession for making the most money I often feel that the producers of things have lost sight of caring for the customer and the pride of making quality products so the end result is less quality and a disconnection from our food source.  

honest labeling

Thought process. Oh there's a new chip in the vending machine, flavored "The Crab Chip" sounds interesting.. I like crab, I'm gona give it a go. Well, it didn't lie.. if you season you have ever done a crab boil with Chesapeake Bay Crab seasoning you know what I'm talking about and you get exactly that.. a mouthful of crab boil.  Which is not terrible, if you like that kind of thing.  

I'm unsure how I feel so far, but I'm thinking I'll give it another go when my sodium levels have normalized again.  

 

100% my ass

When I think refreshing beverage first on the list in my mind is grinding up bugs for that pretty red color and then mixing it with some juice, yum..  Lucky me that is exactly what carmine is, some sort of reddish beetle that gets ground up and put in our food to make it look more appealing.. The irony is that most people who consume things with carmine in it would probably gag at the thought of eating a beetle.  I'm of the school of thought that says I'd be ok with eating a beetle if I knew I were eating a beetle but not as ok with the idea of them being added in willy-nilly as a coloring agent. I suppose it's maybe better than getting the coloring from petroleum products... My real complaint is that all that beetle squashing and the end product doesn't even taste like grapefruit juice.. Which may make some people gag.. but I really like the taste of grapefruit juice it's not too sweet like most juices.  But unfortunately Tropicana 100% juice tastes more like apple juice with a squish of something tart and a bunch of ground up beetles.  

 

my hands are so big and my feet are so tiny

 

100% my ass, if Tropicana were like Pinocchio somebodies nose would be awfully big

improv

Scenario; want to make delicious cornbread for beans, find recipe, go grocery shopping then can't find the buttermilk required for the recipe, then get home and apparently there are things you thought you had that only existed in your imagination.  Solution; improvise..

Ok.. for some reason the store has no buttermilk but does have cream.  Easy fix take cream mix with one tablespoon of vinegar let sit for 5 min.  Next.. realize you have no butter, substitute coconut oil.. decide that you want to add flour to the original flourless recipe.. recipe looks kind of dry add a few tablespoons of water.. bake and cross fingers. 

Cheesy Jalapeno Cornbread

Ingredients

2 eggs

1-1/4 cups course ground corn meal

1/2 cup flour approximately.. I forgot to measure but I had decided that there needed to be more than just cornmeal in the bread. 

3/4 tsp sea salt from the sea

1/2 tsp baking soda for leavening action

1 cup heavy whipping cream

1 tbs white vinegar or in my case coconut vinegar because i love all things coconut

1 tbs coconut oil

1 tbs olive oil

1-2 tbs of honey 

1/2 cup shredded cheese of your liking

1 fresh jalapeno - seeded and diced tiny

1 small pickled jalepeno = diced tiny

 onion - also diced tiny

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.  Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl, then make a little clearing in the middle.. kind of like a dry ingredient doughnut.  In a separate bowl mix wet ingredients, once wet ingredients are mixed add the wet ingredients to the dry, stir until the dry ingredients are no longer dry..  Be careful not to over stir... Take a 9" cast iron skillet or a 9" cake pan or your choice using oil of choice ( I used coconut oil of course) grease bottom and sides.  Pour paste like batter into the skillet/pan and back for 30 min until golden brown.. 

sweet and spicy oh so nicey

some kind of awful

I'm not a 24/7 factory style kitchen master.  I will be the first to admit that I get lazy.  So lazy in fact that my pantry becomes barren of all things that are not snacks, leftover take out, condiments or freezer friendly ready meals..  I have come to terms with this aspect of my personality as I have discovered it lets my creative cooking side get a break and I usually get to try a whole bunch of new things which is always exciting.  The downside to when these spells of laziness descend is that all the fun things I decide to try don't always treat my taste buds nicely but I usually power through it because I really hate wasting.  

pop corn porn

BOGO.  I'm such a sucker for a by one get one sale.  That may have contributed to the impulsive purchase of overpriced popcorn that came in beautiful packaging. While it wasn't bad it really wasn't worth the beefy price tag of $5.00 for all 2 oz of snack air.  Fleur de sel lacked that salty kick and the black truffle was pretty potent but not as satisfying as fresh popped popcorn.  I much prefer my own or fresh movie theater popped corn compared to the prepackaged smanciness (like fanciness but with and s).  Making your own fancy pop corn is easy, my favorite three savory pop corn flavors are Cajun corn, spicy ranch and cheddar bacon.  They are so easy I feel guilty for even claiming them as a recipe.  

sock water...

I'm not one to throw away food.  Especially expensive food. Kombucha is in my expensive food category, at almost $4.00 a bottle it's a habit I try to keep an eye on my food budget that can sometimes get a little crazy. But every once in a while for an upset tummy it's a great digestive.  That was the train of thought that went through my head as attempted to drink my most recent kombucha purchase.  It was especially not delicious.... Imagine not so dirty socks diluted down by soaking it in gallons of water adding a bit of vinegar, fermenting it then paying lots of money to drink it..That is Kevita coconut kombucha. 

Mr yuck says don't drink

african street corn

While I have no formal training I think I make up for it with creative tastebuds and an adventurous soul that goes sure why not when out of needed ingredients for desired dishes (this comes from numerous kitchen/ingredient ingredient failures).. No.. I don't know if they actually serve street corn in Africa, if you want to figure that out Google it yourself.. I do know though that they do sell street corn in Mexico the land of many corny dishes like tacos, tamales and nachos.. and uhh.. other such corn based recipes..

strike one

I like to give everything a few tries unless it's so bad that I feel sick or I know that it will give me food nightmares for the rest of my life.  

can't afford covets

I like to post random things I think are shiny sometimes (I think I just divulge what a nerd I am).  Below is something I think is pretty dang awesome.. pseudo functional art.. not that you could ever use the kit.. especially for the price tag.. but if those plates were for sale I would so be all over them.  

 beautiful green goblin picnic plates

 

it has wheels.. how convenient

  
mark burleson, I understand that art takes time and talent and studios get 50% of the sale.. but holy heck I just want a couple plates..